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toddlers

Bedtime, Johnny Cash Style

July 23, 2010 by sue campbell

Bedtime, you’ve been living hell to me.
You’ve busted me ever since this child turned three.
I’ve seen her stall and I’ve seen her cry.
Every night I keep asking why.

Bedtime, I hate every minute of you.
You’ve cut me and you’ve scarred me through and through
And I’ll walk out a wiser, weaker woman;
Little Miss Toddler, you can’t understand.

Bedtime, there is so much good you could do
Do you think she’ll be sleeping when we’re through?
You bend my heart and mind and you warp my soul,
her desperate pleas turn my blood a little cold.

Bedtime, may you rot and burn in hell.
May this child sleep and may I live to tell.
May all the screaming not reach the neighborhood.
And may all my reasoning one day do some good.

Bedtime, I hate every minute of you.

If there is no music running through your head as you read this, click here.

Filed Under: Sleep Tagged With: bedtime, Johnny Cash, San Quentin, toddlers

Tiny Typist

July 13, 2010 by sue campbell

Nora Types Her Name

Filed Under: vlog Tagged With: toddlers, typing, vlog

Chicken Cheeks

May 21, 2010 by sue campbell

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

SUE The mother

BEN The father

NORA The toddler

SCENE   In the car. NORA sits in her car seat, holding a nearly dried up marker.  BEN and SUE are chatting as BEN drives.  NORA catches their attention.

NORA   I’m drawing a chicken on my cheek.  I’m drawing Sally Turtle.

SUE [turning around in seat]   Nora, you can’t draw on your face.  I have to take the marker away. [Pries marker out of NORA’s hand.]

NORA   No!  I need my marker!

BEN   Good for you, Sue.  Good follow through.

SUE [to NORA]   We don’t draw on our skin.  You can have your marker back later.

[BEN and SUE resume chatting.]

NORA [interrupting]   Mommy, can I have my marker back?

SUE   Why did I take it away?

NORA   Because I drew a chicken on my cheek.

SUE   Why do you need it back?

NORA   To draw a rooster on my other cheek.

[Fade out]

Filed Under: Scenes Tagged With: cheeks, chickens, drawing, limits, toddlers

Birthday Interview

May 15, 2010 by sue campbell

A few notes, for posterity:

  • Nora had no prior knowledge of the questions.  This is the first and only take.
  • To my knowledge, Nora has never eaten a marshmallow.  A few hours after this was recorded, she asked me, “What’s a marshmallow?”
  • I have no clue what she means by liking when “hippos get meat.”
  • Those who know Nora will be shocked that Otto is not among her list of friends.  I was a bit shocked, too.  I believe it’s due to the fact that she just moved to a new classroom.  Otto is a few weeks younger, so he has not yet joined her.  When I asked for her friends at school, she was being quite literal and only listing kids in her class.
  • She is not wearing pants or underwear.  I had to throw a shirt on her for the interview.
  • Nora loves watching herself.  Everytime I make a video, she stops what she’s doing whatever it was I wanted to film and asks to see the video I have just started making.  She wants me to be done with the questioning, because I told her before we started that she couldn’t see the video until I was done asking all the questions.

Filed Under: Big Themes Tagged With: birthday, chickens, hippos, interview, marshmallows, toddlers, vlog

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What kind of blog is this?

This is a blog for PARENTS. True, the writer, Sue Campbell, writes books for kids. But this blog is for grown-ups. It has some swearing and would be super boring for kids. Except for the swearing.

The PODCAST is for KIDS and PARENTS. In fact, my twelve-year-old daughter is my co-host.

If your kids like Sue's books, send them over to suecampbellbooks.com where there's some kid-friendly content. EVEN BETTER, join the mailing list. You get stuff for grown-ups and printable stuff for kids. And sometimes there will be super ill-advised giveaways or coloring contests for free books.

MORE ABOUT SUE: She makes an ACTUAL LIVING from writing words and marketing books and lives with her husband, two daughters, six chickens and one messy house rabbit in Portland, Oregon. And yes, Portland IS that weird. She really couldn't be any luckier.

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