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fire

Where There’s Smoke

February 10, 2011 by sue campbell

Ben will tell you I blew up the microwave.  But it’s a tough case to make given that I wasn’t even home.

Just before I left for my parent council meeting on Tuesday, Nora was asking for popcorn.  I went to the kitchen and looked for the plain paper bag I had used for the last batch.  It was gone, but I found a brown paper bag from the Safeway deli. 

“Just throw a third of a cup of kernels in a paper bag, roll up the end and use the popcorn button on the microwave.  But be careful and test this bag by itself before you do it.  It has writing on it and might catch fire.”

See?  I explicitly warned him.

When I returned three hours later, the microwave was nowhere in sight.  The kitchen was spotlessly clean and there were fans set up all over the kitchen.

“Did you guys blow up the microwave?” I asked as I entered the bedroom.

“I didn’t blow up the microwave.  It was your dumb idea.”

“It worked for me just fine the other day.  I guess you have to use a plain paper bag.”

“I couldn’t shut it off fast enough.  It caught fire immediately and there was a terrible chemical smell.”

“What the hell do they put in that ink?  Metal?”

“And Nora was really sad that she didn’t get any popcorn.”

“Oh, dear.”

Remember the days when a paper bag was just a paper bag?  And you couldn’t be blamed for things that happened while you were off the premises?

Filed Under: Food Tagged With: fire, popcorn, we need a new microwave

Enchanted Evening

December 31, 2009 by sue campbell

4:50 pm: Daughter and I arrive home. Husband is playing fetch with dog in the backyard. I preheat the oven for dinner.

5:05 pm: Husband plays with daughter while I make meatballs and start water boiling for pasta.

5:06 pm: Dog pukes on the living room floor.

5:06:30: pm Husband pukes while shoveling dog’s puke into the garbage can with a spatula. Daughter cries.

5:07 pm: I discover I have placed a paring knife between the burner and the stock pot. It is now on fire.

5:07:30 pm: I use tongs to carry the burning knife outside. It smolders in the driveway.

5:08:00 pm: I grab the enzyme cleaner and a roll of paper towels, sending husband and daughter to the bedroom.

5:10 pm: Husband, daughter and I regroup in the dining room and do a few deep breathing exercises to calm ourselves.

5:40 pm: We enjoy our spaghetti and meatballs.

6:30 pm: Bedtime.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: dinner, dog, fire, puke

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What kind of blog is this?

This is a blog for PARENTS. True, the writer, Sue Campbell, writes books for kids. But this blog is for grown-ups. It has some swearing and would be super boring for kids. Except for the swearing.

The PODCAST is for KIDS and PARENTS. In fact, my twelve-year-old daughter is my co-host.

If your kids like Sue's books, send them over to suecampbellbooks.com where there's some kid-friendly content. EVEN BETTER, join the mailing list. You get stuff for grown-ups and printable stuff for kids. And sometimes there will be super ill-advised giveaways or coloring contests for free books.

MORE ABOUT SUE: She makes an ACTUAL LIVING from writing words and marketing books and lives with her husband, two daughters, six chickens and one messy house rabbit in Portland, Oregon. And yes, Portland IS that weird. She really couldn't be any luckier.

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