Mommy's Pen

A writer's notes on family

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back pain

All the Single Parents

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Touching my husband’s back is like setting your hand on a card table. It is swollen and hardened into a flat surface. He threw his back out 10 days ago while sweeping the driveway.  He’s limping, in pain, cranky.  But he’s doing his stretches and taking it easy.  We’re hoping he’ll be on the mend soon.

In the meantime, absolutely everything is left up to me.  All Nora care.  All house care.  All animal care.  All cooking.  The lawn has not been mowed in two weeks.  We’re running out of fresh laundry.  This morning Nora arrived at school with a blob of paint on her cheek that was there when I picked her up yesterday.  I am not getting to any of the things I love to do, like read other people’s blogs and write my own.

I am left with a profound respect for single parents.  Raising healthy, happy kids while working and taking care of a home is a feat we should all admire.  If you know any single parents who are holding it all together, please deliver this message from me, “You’re amazing.”  And offer to babysit for them tomorrow night.

Nine Years

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Last night, at dinner, Nora would occasionally yell, “Freeze!”  Ben and I would pause mid-bite and wait for her to say, “Now, move!”  It was the most fun I’ve had all week.

Today is our nine year wedding anniversary.  We’re not in a celebratory mood.  Ben’s back went out again and I have PMS.  Though, if questioned separately, Newlywed Game style, I believe each of us would tell you we are happy and content being married to each other.

One of the things no one tells you when you get pregnant is that your relationship with your partner, as you know it, is about to end.  At the same time that the tether that binds you is strengthened by the little life you create together, it is also lengthened.  You see each other from a bit of a distance, as you each tend to all the new tasks a child creates.  You stare at one another in wonderment as your baby reaches for an object for the first time, while you long for the time to simply lay in each other’s arms.  You are both exhausted, over-worked, desperate.  And desperately in love with your child. 

Ben and I had many years together before Nora.  It was helpful, in that our foundation was very solid, but also a challenge, as we were accustomed to having endless time together. 

Nora is three now, and our little family feels integrated and stable.  We all fit together and understand each other’s quirks and moods. 

Our problem is we’re always moving, moving, moving.  I’m glad we have Nora to remind us to “Freeze!”

I’m going out to buy Ben a date outfit and hire a sitter for this weekend.  Here’s to hoping we can stop time, if only for an evening.