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Food Poisoning: A Qualitative Scale

May 6, 2010 by sue campbell

My sister, Rachel, had a recent bout with food poisoning.  She created this hilarious qualitative scale for determining the level of severity.  (Luckily, the case she just had was mild.)

Three Levels of Food Poisoning

Mild*

“Am I going to die?” Intermittent stomach pain, vomiting to empty stomach, and diarrhea until bowels are empty.  Next day: wondering what you can safely eat, tired but functional.

Moderate*

“I know I am going to die.” More constant waves of stomach pain, some dry heaves with simultaneous painful diarrhea.  Next day no appetite, still sick.

SEVERE

“Why can’t I just die?” Constant extremely forceful vomiting, dry heaves.  Next day: failure to keep down food, possible dehydration, explosive watery diarrhea, headache, constant pain, aversion to eating anything for a week.  Another defining factor of SEVERE food poisoning: the people around you begin wondering if you are going to die (from onset to 1am) and then why you can’t just die (from 1am to 8am).

*No case of food poisoning ever feels mild or moderate while it is occurring.

Filed Under: Illness Tagged With: food poisoning

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What kind of blog is this?

This is a blog for PARENTS. True, the writer, Sue Campbell, writes books for kids. But this blog is for grown-ups. It has some swearing and would be super boring for kids. Except for the swearing.

The PODCAST is for KIDS and PARENTS. In fact, my twelve-year-old daughter is my co-host.

If your kids like Sue's books, send them over to suecampbellbooks.com where there's some kid-friendly content. EVEN BETTER, join the mailing list. You get stuff for grown-ups and printable stuff for kids. And sometimes there will be super ill-advised giveaways or coloring contests for free books.

MORE ABOUT SUE: She makes an ACTUAL LIVING from writing words and marketing books and lives with her husband, two daughters, six chickens and one messy house rabbit in Portland, Oregon. And yes, Portland IS that weird. She really couldn't be any luckier.

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