One day, about four years ago, while seated on my sofa, dreaming of having a child, I remember thinking: I will not be able to sit on the couch and do nothing anymore. I needn’t explain why this was a gross understatement. Rather, let me illustrate my parental couch postures, in stark contrast to my childless days of sitting still and staring at the fire.
1. Sitting up and feeding a dolly while my daughter pretend grocery shops.
2. Sitting up, cradling a 30 pound child as if she were an infant, and feeding her a from a fake bottle.
3. On all fours, with a toddler on my back as rider.
4. On my back, with my feet on Nora’s hips, my arms supporting her armpits while she makes airplane noises.
5. In the prone position, with my hands reflexively held in front of my face, preventing my daughter’s skull from giving me a fat lip as she carelessly tosses her head around while “cuddling.”