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Why it’s Best I Don’t Own a Firearm

June 15, 2011 by sue campbell

For the first few days I’m on the pump, I have to wake every three hours and test my blood sugar, to insure my insulin doses are set up correctly. Going in, I was short of sleep. So, last night, my nurse agreed to give me a break for a night.

Nora was tucked in and sleeping, I was dosing off, with the help of my good friend dyphenhydramine (I wasn’t leaving a good night’s sleep to chance!). It was nearly 9:00pm.

And then some jerk knocked on the front door, causing the dog to bark and Nora to wake up crying in fright.

I flew to the front door and opened the peep hole. It was not a neighbor in need of help, it was two schmucks I’d never seen before. “Go away!” I shouted and slammed the peep hole.

“Go away?” the fat jerk queried in a surprised, nearly mocking tone.

There are many things I could have said in response.  For example:

“Listen Jackass, you just woke up my entire family, the chances of you selling me anything are the same as your chances of seeing me eat two turds plucked out of a stinking, tepid rain barrel.”

— or —

“You’re lucky I don’t own a gun, fatty, cause you’d be ready for the smokehouse right about now, so BEAT IT.”

— or —

“Sick ’em, Butch!” Cue the ferocious barking mix tape.

But he didn’t deserve a response, and Nora needed attending.

Seriously,  those two asshat solictors are so lucky I don’t own hand gun.

Filed Under: Anecdotes Tagged With: dammit!, no solicitors

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What kind of blog is this?

This is a blog for PARENTS. True, the writer, Sue Campbell, writes books for kids. But this blog is for grown-ups. It has some swearing and would be super boring for kids. Except for the swearing.

The PODCAST is for KIDS and PARENTS. In fact, my twelve-year-old daughter is my co-host.

If your kids like Sue's books, send them over to suecampbellbooks.com where there's some kid-friendly content. EVEN BETTER, join the mailing list. You get stuff for grown-ups and printable stuff for kids. And sometimes there will be super ill-advised giveaways or coloring contests for free books.

MORE ABOUT SUE: She makes an ACTUAL LIVING from writing words and marketing books and lives with her husband, two daughters, six chickens and one messy house rabbit in Portland, Oregon. And yes, Portland IS that weird. She really couldn't be any luckier.

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