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Archives for July 2011

38 Lessons from Peace Love and Muesli

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The beautiful and talented Kristin from Peace Love and Muesli is guest posting for me today. Lucky me. Even luckier, we’ll be rooming together next week at Blogher in sunny San Diego! She’s also turning 38 on Sunday — Happy Birthday, Kristin! Take it away…

Sue has generously allowed me to copy her birthday celebration post idea. Here are 38 things I’ve learned in my 38 years.

1. The easiest way is rarely the right way.
2. Life is funner when I laugh.
3. Everything tastes better when picked out of my garden.
4. Go to bed. (Sue taught me that)
5. Doing is better than complaining. This is a work in progress.
6. Appreciate what I have. Another WIP.
7. I can make nearly anything.
8. Just because I can make something doesn’t mean I have to. ie, socks or cheese.
9. Ignoring my husband’s suggestions is a mistake. He’s smarter than I think.
10. Band-Aids do help a cut feel better.
11. Take care of me first, like the oxygen masks on a plane. I am no good to anyone burnt out, or out of air.
12. Life is too short for lousy olive oil.
13. It’s also too short for sitting around wishing for change.
14. My children surprise me every day.
15. I have great ideas but my priorities don’t allow me to act on every one.
16. Without clear priorities I am a puddle of misery.
17. Water play makes everyone happy.
18. Ditto snow play.
19. I am more tenacious in my old(er) age. I used to be a quitter.
20. Effort spent does not always equal benefits reaped.
21. Always pack snacks. And water.
22. Exercise makes my mind works better.
23. The public library is the most sustainable place I know.
24. Spending more than we earn gives me anxiety. A work in progress too.
25. I hate playing soccer. I wish the same for my children.
26. I love entertaining and feeding people. I don’t like making my house and food ready.
27. My sisters were right, I am bossy. It’s my super power.
28. I can’t please everyone all the time.
29. Ask for help. When it’s offered take it. And quit feeling bad about it.
30. A list makes my day go more smoothly.
31. I am never too old for rhyming. Dr. Suess is for children of all ages.
32. Cheese is always the answer.
33. Salt is my secret lover.
34. Doing what I have to first, makes doing what I want to more fun.
35. Boiling water will get out all fruit stains if used right away. My mother in law taught me that.
36. A day off from the responsibility of child care makes me feel like a million bucks.
37. Saying no or changing my mind does not make me a terrible person.
38. Sometimes you just have to say healthy shmealthy and eat a bag of chips.

Only one regret in my 38 years: that I was not an Olympian. Pinning that dream on my kids.
 
And for your last lesson today, you should be reading Kristin’s blog, Peace, Love and Muesli and following her on Twitter.

Some Thoughts on Tikki Tikki Tembo

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So, when Chang falls in the well, there’s a bucket in there, why doesn’t Tikki tikki tempo-no sa rembo-chari bari ruchi-pip peri pembo just pull him up? Or have the parents taught them nothing except to avoid the well? If that’s the case, I’m not confident of their ability to discuss the importance of contraception when it’s time to have the birds and the bees conversation.

And shouldn’t they have done a little family style lessons learned session after Chang was fished out? “Listen, kids, if this ever happens again, just run right to the old guy with the ladder cuz that’s all I’m gonna be able to tell you to do.”

My favorite part is when Chang is trying to tell his mother that Tikki tikki tempo has fallen in the well for the third time, and he’s so distraught and out of breath that he says it like this: “Honorable Mother! Chari bari rembo tikki tikki — pip pip has fallen into the well!” When I read it aloud, I practically spit the “pip pip” out.

What gives with this moral?  The ONLY lesson all of China took from these near tragic mishaps is to give the first son — the one they actually care about — a short name, just like the second son? That seems of limited value, given their current one child policy, I must say. Sheesh.

Tiny Dancer?

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When I was a kid, I wanted to take gymnastics.

My mom signed me up for a class that covered ballet, tap and gymnastics.  She even drove me downtown for it.

I wanted nothing to do with the tap and ballet portions (though I did like the shoes involved), I just wanted to tumble around and launch myself off the end of a balance beam.  I’m quite sure I remember complaining to my mother.  And that was the end of classes of any sort.

Nora is starting to show an interest in dance classes.

Here are the reasons I would sign her up:

  • She wants to do it
  • Builds strength and coordination
  • Helps her understand the importance of practice when developing a skill
  • Tires her out

 Here are the things that worry me:

  • The class will be too serious and strict
  • Being in the class with other tiny dancers will cause body image issues to arise that she doesn’t currently have

These are big concerns for me.  Right now, the cons are outweighing the pros.  

I want Nora to have a childhood.  Yes, it’s fantastic to develop a skill when you’re young. And the only way to make a career of something like dance, music or sports is to start early.  But does it mean becoming a tiny adult?

This week, the Oregon Ballet Theater is having rehearsals in a downtown park, so the public can watch.  Yesterday, we sat at a table and watched some beautiful, impossibly thin dancers twirl about.  Nora stayed and watched with her wonderful nanny, Gemela.  Shortly after I left, one of the ballerinas fell and twisted her ankle.  Gemela reports that the first thing the dancer did was apologize.

This is worrisome.  It’s not the sort of emotional intelligence I wish for Nora. I never want her to feel the need to apologize for accidentally injuring herself!

It seems that children wrapped up in the world of sports and dance run the risk of sacrificing emotional intelligence to the competitive spirit.  And I’m just not down with that.

Of course, I am probably overdramatizing and overthinking again.  I have no experience in the world of dance or sports. 

I just keep picturing the Emilio Estevez character from the Breakfast Club and how screwed up he was from the pressure of the wrestling world.  There are countless examples from Hollywood.  I know, because I spent my childhood watching movies and television instead of in dance class or on the soccer field. 

Help me out on this one, folks.  Do your kids take dance or gymnastics? How is it going?

10 Things I’ve Learned in 10 Years of Marriage

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10 Years of marriage.

I can hardly believe it’s been that long, yet I can’t remember what it’s like not to have Ben by my side.

I’ve been in a list making mood since my birthday post.  So here’s another list of things I’ve learned, this time marriage specific.

  1. There should be nothing you can’t talk about.
  2. Never drag your partner somewhere (s)he doesn’t want to be, at least not if you want to enjoy yourself.
  3. Don’t play games; ask for what you need.  Then ask again 3 months later. (Everybody needs reminders.)
  4. Keep working your biggest issue
  5. Make sure it’s not always the same person doing the accommodating, both of you need to give.
  6. Little notes, telling old stories and inside jokes are great ways to stay connected.
  7. Make sure both of you are getting plenty of vitamin D. Grind the pills into spaghetti sauce if you have to.
  8. Make common goals and work together to attain them (especially financial ones).
  9. Let your limbic system cool down. If you can’t talk without yelling, wait it out.
  10. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself, you can’t be a good partner if you’re not doing what you need to do to stay emotionally and physically healthy.

One final note, ten years later, I am more sure than ever that I married the right man for me.

I love you, Ben.