Spring is here and busy moms best hustle to the spa for a leg waxing. No sense spending valuable blogging time shaving your legs everyday. Schedule your appointment for a Saturday morning. There’s nothing your child likes better than to have you leave for an appointment without her first thing Saturday.
Some preparation on Friday night is needed. You will be tired from a long week’s work and need to unwind with some knitting. This is the perfect time for your child to bust out the crayola markers and ask to give you a special face painting. And while you would look great with a rabbit nose and whiskers, it’s better to redirect her towards your ridiculously fuzzy legs. “But wait,” you may be saying, “Isn’t is a bit stupid to get your legs painted by a nearly four-year-old just hours before a stranger will be seeing them?” Remember, it’s Friday night. You’re incapable of remembering anything, especially anything you have scheduled for the next morning. So, relax, and have a sip of Stella.
When she’s done with your right leg, take a moment to admire her work. It looks Japanese inspired. Brown lines are branching up and down your calf, punctuated by orange circles that look blossoms illuminated by sunlight.
If there is more knitting to be done, offer her your left leg. It’s more creatively fulfilling work for your child.
When that’s done, and you still need a few minutes, ask her to document her efforts, ephemeral as they are, by using your iPhone to take pictures of your legs.
Now, it’s time for pajamas and snuggles. Rest well.
Saturday morning, express regret as you look at your once fish-belly-white legs covered in marker. Claim that you are about to shower and scrub it off while continuing to knit.
If you’ve done your work as a parent to this point, your child may offer to wash your legs for you, while you remain seated in the dining room. Protest slightly and then give in, a few more rows and your project will be complete, you just need another twenty minutes or so.
Your child can gather the necessary materials by herself; this is a good lesson in autonomy. Hand soap and the plush bathroom hand towel will do nicely. Just go with it. Prop your left leg on a dining room chair. Watch your posture, now.
Not only will your legs be clean and exfoliated before your appointment, you have given your child the following lessons: thinking outside the canvas, photography, autonomy and cleanliness. And cleverly made time to knit a skirt to clothe said child.
And nobody has to know.
Unless, of course, you choose to blog about it.