Mommy's Pen

A writer's notes on family

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Archives for January 2011

The Case for Doing More

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I know.  You’re busy.  I’m busy.  I’m not disputing that.  But I propose that the things you’re busy doing are not necessarily those things that fulfill you.

I know the feeling of wanting to collapse at the end of a long day.  But I can tell you from experience that attending only to those tasks that scream your name — groceries, cooking, laundry, work — leaves you exhausted and unfulfilled.

So, what if you decide to do a little bit more?  Something you WANT to do, but feel like you don’t have time for?

In the spring 2009, I was working on a software implementation project.  It was the most stressful thing I’ve ever done. The hours were long, the stakes were high.  I had a VERY young child at home.  There were many days I came home, did as little as I could before falling asleep.  But I made damn sure I planted my 800-square-foot vegetable garden.  No one would have faulted me for not planting anything that year.  But it wasn’t something I was willing to sacrifice.

No matter how tough things got, I could come home, hug my daughter and walk out to the garden and pick a cucumber or a head of lettuce.  That meant the world to me.

Fast foward to today.  I’m still working full time.  I also knit, write freelance articles, blog, and volunteer at Nora’s school.  I’m not telling you this as a “look how great I am”  kind of thing.  Sometimes it feels a bit selfish.  But I know it’s necessary.  If all I did was work, cook, clean and parent, I know I would slip away from myself.  I’d get depressed and start looking for a way out of the grind.  I might even do something stupid like blame my husband for my misery.

If you’re feeling this way, I urge you to start doing more*.  More of the things you love.  Take a yoga class, raise some chickens, go wine tasting, volunteer. You may find you end up with more energy, not less.

*And by all means, do less of the things you don’t want to do, if you can swing it!

Swollen Glands & Purple Circles

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If I’m asleep, I’m snoring.  Not so my husband.  He only snores when he’s sick. 

Nora doesn’t snore either.  So, last night, as she began snoring shortly after falling asleep, I thought, uh-oh.

During the night, she began crying.  Her head hurt and she had a sore throat.  As she put it, “It’s sore way back in my mouth.”

It’s rather amazing when your child can finally articulate an illness.  Though I’ve never had trouble telling if Nora was sick, as she gets tell-tale purple circles under her bright blue eyes.

Anyway, this morning, despite being more chipper than I thought she’d be, she has swollen glands and purple circles. 

This is actually her first sick day of the school year.  She had a cold over Thanksgiving break, and one other cold that fell on a weekend.  It’s nearly February and she hasn’t missed a single day of school.  This is unprecented.  All those early illnesses appear to have built her one heck of an immune system.

So, I get to spend the day thinking of calming activities for her.  She’s already painted a picture, made some oatmeal and explained to me that, “Everything that is in my brain and in my heart I love and take care of.”

It’s going to be a beautiful day.

The Odd Couple

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I am Oscar to my husband’s Felix.

We do not fight about money.  We do not fight about child rearing.  

We do have some creative tension about clutter.  Ben hates clutter.  A house filled with too much stuff makes him stabby.  

We’ve been together for thirteen years and really, it’s only a recent thing that each room in our house has furniture.  Ben prefers a spare look.

I don’t mind clutter.  I like having books next to the bed.  A few knitting projects strewn about.  It makes my life easier to not have to open a cabinet door or  a drawer to get to something I want.

Also, we have a three-year-old.  And even though half her genetic material is from a neat freak, it’s my genes that appear to be dominate on this issue.

So, Ben spends much of his time trying not to be annoyed about the state of the house.  But then, he just can’t take it anymore.  

When I notice he seems withdrawn?  It’s only a matter of time before he starts what I call “crabby cleaning.”  My stuff will end up in a pile in the closet, or a box upstairs, to be dealt with later.  When he is done tidying, every surface is clear, nothing is stashed on the floor.

Notice I have been careful to not use the word “clean.”  Because, while disorder bothers him, dirt usually doesn’t.  He doesn’t care about dust. Or toothpaste residue in the sink, or crumbs on the counter. Whereas I loath these things.

How does this conflict manifest itself?  In shenanigans.

Like the time I was repeatedly asked to ensure I was closing the medicine cabinet door completely, and failed to comply.  I came home one day to find the door had been taken off the hinges and hidden away.

Or the time he hid the lid to my shampoo bottle when I refused to cap it. I retaliated by taking the lid off his shampoo and hiding it in the toilet tank, where it became lodged for the better part of two days and the flip top broke when it was finally extracted.  He made a wooden plug to replace the cap. For real — the bulk sized Head and Shoulders bottle had a wooden plug. When I bought his next bottle of shampoo, I dropped it on the concrete floor at Costco just after I checked out, causing the lid to crack.  When I presented him with the bottle, I nearly peed myself laughing.

Things are getting a bit better as Nora gets older.  She can pick up her toys, help unload the dishwasher, sort laundry.  It’s just a matter of time before two Felixes gang up on me.  And that’s fine.  They can sort while I scrub.

What I’ve Been Doing Instead of Blogging

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There are few things more satifying than making something your child loves.  Whether it’s a knitted elephant or a bowl of cioppino with extra shrimp.  I spend most of last week cooking and this weekend doing crafty stuff.
 
Cute, but a Complete Time Suck

And this week, I’ll be putting the finishing touches on a new article for Metro Parent magazine.  This one is about bullying.

Posting may be a but light this week, but I’ll be back soon.