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Mistakes

Saturday Feature: Mistakes – Bed Bug Edition

July 10, 2010 by sue campbell

Most Saturdays I bring you a parenting mistake my husband and I have made. Please have a laugh or cry at our expense — we really are good parents, I swear.

Summer is here and suddenly I have bug bites everywhere.  I was commenting on this last night while laying in bed with Nora, reading stories.  I also off-handedly wondered if there was a bug in our bed somewhere, launching nocturnal attacks. 

Yes, I am a complete moron.  I am trying to settle an insect-phobic three-year-old down for sleep and I insinuate that our beds are infested with bugs.  She gasped and reflexing drew up her legs close to her body.

“There are bugs in the bed?”

“There are no bugs in our beds, Nora.  I don’t know why Mommy said that,” Ben said.

“I was just being silly,”  I quickly said.

“Silly, Mommy!” Nora chirped.  We continued reading stories.

Yes, I am very lucky. 

And for the record, we don’t have bed bugs.

Filed Under: Mistakes Tagged With: bedbugs, bedtime, bugs, parenting fail

Saturday Feature: Mistakes

June 26, 2010 by sue campbell

Most Saturdays I bring you a parenting mistake my husband and I have made. Please have a laugh or cry at our expense — we really are good parents, I swear.

I am sorry to report that on Thursday afternoon, Ben, though he has been a good father to this point, pressed the down elevator button before Nora could get to it.

One monstrous act does not make one a monster. One hopes.

Filed Under: Mistakes

Saturday Feature: Mistakes

June 19, 2010 by sue campbell

Most Saturdays I bring you a parenting mistake my husband and I have made. Please have a laugh or cry at our expense — we really are good parents, I swear.

This week’s mistake involves setting a dangerous precedent.  Last night, we were all pretty wrung out.  We had little food in the house, so I packed kid and husband into the car and we went out for burritos.  Halfway through the meal, Nora gave signs that she needed to use the bathroom.  “Do you need to go potty?”  I asked.

“Do they have a potty here?”

“Yep, come on.  I’ll take you.”

It was a private restroom, no stalls.  Nora eyes widened in concern when she saw the huge toilet.  I tried to help her pull down her pants.  She whimpered, “I wanna go pee at home.”  Her legs were squeezed together and she was bouncing at the knee.

“Honey, I don’t think we’re going to make it all the way home without an accident.”

“The potty’s too big.”

“Hmm.  It’s not that big, it only comes up to my knee.  See?”

“I want a little potty.”

Nora rarely stonewalls in this manner, it was clear this toilet freaked her out.  It was equally clear her bladder was about to explode.  It was time to get creative.  I needed to make the toilet less intimidating.

“Okay, honey.  I have an idea.  I’ll sit on the toilet and you can sit up there with me.” Yes, I am that crazy, and the toilet was that big.

Nora immediately liked this idea.  I sat way back on the toilet, she pulled down her pants.  As I hoisted her up, I reminded her not to start peeing until I gave her the okay.  When she was in place, she started grunting.  Uh-oh.

“Are you pooping?”

“Yuh.”  She was holding her breath.

Nora is a champion pooper.  She won accolades at daycare for being the “best” pooper.  She takes her time and does a thorough job.  It’s rather magnificent. 

Now that I had some time to think and it dawned on me that this was not something I wanted to repeat in every public restroom from now until she grew bigger than most toilets.  Especially in restrooms that have stalls. 

I began to strategize.  If she asked me to do this next time, I could exaggerate the size of today’s toilet, saying it was much bigger.  Or I could tell her that she’s much bigger now.  Or I could pull a pretend shrinking pill out of my pocket, drop it in the bowl and tell her the toilet size was now reduced by 30 percent.  I had plenty of time to walk through several scenarios, as well as worry about getting poop on my jeans.

“Does it smell like mommy poop or Nora poop?” she asked.

“Nora poop.” I said.  She smiled.

Suddenly, a new problem occured to me: how am I going to wipe this child?  There was no room to manuever. 

After what felt like forty minutes, Nora announced she was done.  I picked her up by the armpits and placed her on the floor, instructing her to bend over.  The toilet was full of some of her best work.  I wiped her and shimmied off the toilet.  Nora flushed and ran to the other side of the bathroom, just as I had taught her, to avoid splashback.

Hand washing took another five minutes, as soap dispensers and automatic paper towel dispensers are inherently fascinating.

We finally returned to our table.  Ben was watching videos on my iPhone to pass the time.  He raised his eyebrows at me. 

“There’s a a story in it.”  I said.

Filed Under: Mistakes Tagged With: dangerous precedents, fear of toilets, kids who eat lots of fiber, public restrooms

Saturday Feature: Mistakes

June 12, 2010 by sue campbell

Most Saturdays I bring you a parenting mistake my husband and I have made. Please have a laugh or cry at our expense — we really are good parents, I swear.

Last night, for dessert, Nora wanted a chocolate dipped cookie.  I let her have half, promising she could have a whole cookie today. 

Guess who was up at four o’clock this morning demanding the aforementioned cookie.

I hate cookies right now.

Filed Under: Mistakes Tagged With: cookies, dessert, sleep deprivation

Saturday Feature: Mistakes – Vacation Edition

May 29, 2010 by sue campbell

Every Saturday I bring you a parenting mistake my husband and I have made. Please have a laugh or cry at our expense — we really are good parents, I swear.

Ben and I took the week off. Nora went to daycare for three of five days. I am not sorry for this. We had to build a fence and do some work in the yard. It was take her to school while we knocked it out or have a “little helper” and let the task stretch into her college years. 

The problem was, I didn’t really prep Nora.  Tuesday, when we picked her up, I asked her, “How was school today?”

“Um, good! How was work today?” she asked.  I fought the urge to lie.

“Um, I didn’t go to work.  Daddy and I stayed home to work on the fence.”

It took her a second to process this. Then the wailing began. “I wanted to help!” I should have known — she as now at an age where she is keenly aware of being left out.

I assured her that there was much help still needed. She would be my helper in the garden and could even come to the nursery with me to get plants.

Wednesday she stayed home with us and helped me put some edging along the flower bed in the pouring rain, handing me pieces as I needed them.  We went to the farm store for chicken feed.  She picked out some radish seeds and we bought broccoli and lettuce starts. 

Thursday, she went to school and our evening scene repeated itself. This time I told her I had work to do away from my desk.  She seemed to accept this more readily.

By Friday morning, I had my act together and let her know I’d be at home, but she got to go to school so she could bring her dinosaur for show and tell.  And I explained the long weekend ahead, and all we had to look forward to together. 

This morning, she is running errands alone with daddy, and I’m feeling a bit left out myself.

Filed Under: Mistakes Tagged With: Daycare, feeling left out, fence building, vacation

Saturday Feature: Mistakes – Mathematical Edition

May 1, 2010 by sue campbell

Every Saturday I bring you a parenting mistake my husband and I have made. Please have a laugh or cry at our expense — we really are good parents, I swear.

I’m no mathematician, but I seem to recall a mathematical principle called “order of operations,” wherein you must perform certain functions in a certain, accepted order to get a desired result.  My error this week involves a violation of this principle, in the realm of parenting.

Wednesday evening, I put Nora in her pajamas immediately after dinner.  I patted myself on the back for getting the task accomplished so early.  Then I realized there was no way I was going to get out of the house to tend the chickens without her.  So, we went to the backyard together, with me suggesting we make it a quick trip and try to stay clean. 

Mmmm, yeah.  She loves dragging her finger through the dust on the lid of the bin where we keep the chicken feed, so she got covered in dust.  Then she “helped” me refill the waterer and got her hands dirty from the hose.  Being a resourceful kid, she wiped her hands on her jammies, then my pants.

Eventually, I got her to the front of the house, where, despite doing the potty dance, she insisted on doing her balancing act on the curb of the driveway.  I got her inside to the bathroom and she had an accident while pulling her pants down. 

The pajama process began again — in its proper order, after feeding the chickens.

Filed Under: Mistakes Tagged With: order of operations

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What kind of blog is this?

This is a blog for PARENTS. True, the writer, Sue Campbell, writes books for kids. But this blog is for grown-ups. It has some swearing and would be super boring for kids. Except for the swearing.

The PODCAST is for KIDS and PARENTS. In fact, my twelve-year-old daughter is my co-host.

If your kids like Sue's books, send them over to suecampbellbooks.com where there's some kid-friendly content. EVEN BETTER, join the mailing list. You get stuff for grown-ups and printable stuff for kids. And sometimes there will be super ill-advised giveaways or coloring contests for free books.

MORE ABOUT SUE: She makes an ACTUAL LIVING from writing words and marketing books and lives with her husband, two daughters, six chickens and one messy house rabbit in Portland, Oregon. And yes, Portland IS that weird. She really couldn't be any luckier.

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