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Waldorf Mommy: Parent Orientation Night

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Quick impressions from parent orientation night at Waldorf school:

  • I love people who love singing as much as I do.  I think Ben was a bit taken aback that I knew the words to “A Gift to be Simple.”
  • Wow, I don’t think I’ve been in a room with that many flowy skirts since…the last time I was at a Waldorf event.
  • Waldorf folks take warmth very seriously.  We got a ten minute lecture on the importance of layering.
  • More yummy, healthy food, but no serving utensils and no water.  Must get on a committee to fix that.
  • I may be the most “type A” Waldorf parent I’ve met so far.  I swooped the after care enrollment packets and had my check ready before the end of the presentation.  Must try not to be seen as an over eager pain in the ass.
  • Nora’s new teacher needs to buy the house across the street from me.  She said she’s looking! 
  • My husband will do all kinds of things that scare the crap out of him (like speak in front of people) if he thinks it would benefit his daughter in any way.   Love, love, love him.
  • All these parents are here because they want happy, well adjusted kids.  That rules.
  • I am not used to staying up past 8:00pm.  Did not realize the strip clubs on the way home are lit up like that at night.

Waldorf Mommy: The Potluck

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Last night was the potluck for Nora’s new class mates and their families.  We met in the park across the street from her school.  Hyper-punctual, as always, we were the first ones there.  When Nora saw her teacher, she broke into a sprint and started yelling, “Waldorf school!  Waldorf school!  Waldorf school!”

Being early gave us a few minutes to chat with Nora’s new teacher, Miss E.  While Nora was off playing, we talked about Nora being the youngest and the smallest in the mixed age kindergarden class and the best way to approach that.  I said we had almost no reservations, after talking to Nora’s current teacher about it.  Miss E. said that Nora’s teacher had written a beautiful letter for Nora’s admission application (he mailed it directly, so we didn’t get to see it.)  Again, I felt so thankful that Nora has had such a terrific teacher for a year and a half now.

Slowly, other families began to arrive.  The oldest boy in the class is approximately eight times larger than Nora.  She quickly made him her pawn by asking him to push her (very fast) on the merry-go-round.  The mother of this boy reassured me about the aftercare program.  She had many opportunities to observe the aftercare group on the playground after school.  She said the kids were always excited to go to aftercare and were happy and content on the playground.

The kids were mixing nicely, some on the play structure, some running about with sticks, but it was time to haul them in to eat.

First, all the familes formed a large circle to hold hands and say a blessing.  I tried to manuever my socially phobic husband between Nora and me, but he ended up holding hands me and another dad.  Later, in the car, he said he was scared he’d accidentally squeeze the guy’s hand when he meant to squeeze mine.  This gave me the giggles.

The food was exactly what you’d expect to find at a Waldorf potluck.  There were bean croquettes, veggie trays, goat cheese, rice and bean salads and apple cider.  And some killer mac-n-cheese.  I need to find out who made that mac-n-cheese.  I didn’t see any meat, I’m sure everyone was being conscious of the fact that many of the families would be vegetarian.  We are not vegetarians, but I brought a quinoa tabbouleh with pistachios that’s my new favorite recipe. 

Everyone brought blankets to sit on.  Nora thought this was silly and chose to sit at the picnic table by herself and quickly commandeered a bag of tortilla chips as her own. 

We struck up a conversation with the family next to us.  I asked how long their oldest child, a third grader, had been attending (many families send their kids their for early childhood programs and a few years of kindergarten).  The father joked that in the car on the way over, they had been discussing the possibility of parents estimating length of attendance by the amount of tuition they’d paid.  When asked how long your child had attended, you could reply, “Long enough to spend $54,000.”  We all laughed freely at this — in the way you laugh at an uncomfortable truth with someone who completely understands.

After a leisurely meal, we decided to pack up and head home before a meltdown, as we were already a half hour past bedtime.  Though Nora was thoroughly enjoying herself, we managed to get her back to the car without a tantrum.

Ben was tired, Nora was getting there, and I was giddy.  Great people, healthy food, a beautiful setting.  It’s a great start.

Waldorf Mommy: What is Waldorf?

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When I tell people we’re sending our daughter to a Waldorf school I get one of two responses, a blank look or a salad joke.  Then a get the question, “What is Waldorf?”  I’m invariably disappointed in my own response.

“Well, it’s an educational system that focuses on emotional as well as intellectual development,” I’ll say.

Uh-huh.

“All the toys are made of natural materials,” I tell them.

Huh?

“Waldorf educates the ‘whole child.'”

Oh.

So, there was this cigarette factory in Germany in the early part of the twentieth century.  The factory owner decided he wanted all his worker’s children to be well educated.  He asked a philosopher named Rudolf Steiner to come up with a way to do it.  What Steiner came up with is an educational model that changes with the developmental stages of child, and values a child’s emotional well being as much as academic learning.  At least that’s what we’re expecting it to do.  I’m launching this occasional series, “Waldorf Mama,” to explore our experience with Waldorf education and see if we really know what we’re getting ourselves into.

I first learned about Waldorf through knitting.  Knitting icon Elizabeth Zimmerman sent her children to Waldorf school.  Handcrafts are an integral part of Waldorf education.  What do kids learn by knitting?  Math, dexterity, patterns, structure, patience and perseverance.

Waldorf also supports kids’ need to be kids, not tiny consumers.  Most Waldorf schools ask (or even tell) parents not to let their kids watch television.  The dress code for our school bars commercial images, nail polish and discourages synthetic fabrics.

On a typical day, Nora will have circle time, where she’ll sing songs and hear stories.  She’ll make bread or soup.  She’ll dress up in silks and crowns.  She’ll play outside and eat lunch from a wicker basket.

I once got all freaked out when I guy on Twitter asked if anyone else considered Waldorf education “a bit silly.” Though he said his children didn’t seem the worse for it. Silly?  Then I realized this is precisely one of the things I love about Waldorf — the absence of cynicism. Kids ride unicycles, tumble, play act mythical tales and dance around the maypole.  And this is just right.  Imagination — and silliness — is what being a kid is all about.

Critics of Waldorf say it’s not academically rigorous, or it’s too new age or even cultish.  We’ll soon see for ourselves how much Kool-aid we’re being asked to drink.  Anyway, it really can’t be Kool-Aid, as it’s too laden with chemicals for the Waldorf set.  Likely, we will be asked to drink some sort of herbal tea with immune boosting properties. Mmmm.

As instructed in the parent’s manual, we have procured a raincoat, rain pants, rain boots, a wicker basket with two cloth napkins for her packed lunches, and a pair of soft soled, closed heel slippers for use in the classroom.

On the first day of school, I will help Nora find her cubby, use the bathroom and change into her slippers, then I’ll leave her at the door and let Waldorf work its magic.  I hope.

Waldorf & Virus Update

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Wooohooo! Nora was accepted into the five-day mixed age kindergarten at our Waldorf school of choice for the 2010-2011 school year. She will also attend aftercare offered through the school. This is great news, as she won’t be splitting her week between two places. We are quite sure she’ll thrive in her new environment.

Nora’s cough is much better, though not gone. She’s back at school today, which is good, as we were getting a bit testy with one another. At one point, while I was pretend sleeping in an effort to compel her to nap, she tried to gouge my eyes out. Then she asked for her daddy. Sometimes I wonder if I could handle being a stay-at-home mom. I try to remind myself that being home with a sick child is not the same as being home with a well child. Thanks to my friend and neighbor, Sandi, for giving me a bit of a break yesterday, and to my mother-in-law, Deb, for the pep talk.

Waiting for Waldorf

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When I step into a Waldorf classroom my body immediately relaxes and my breathing slows and deepens. It is like stepping into a sanctuary. The color palettes are calming, the rooms are orderly and usually smell of fresh bread. All the toys are hand-made of natural materials. I want sit down with my daughter and explore for hours.

Any day now we will hear if Nora was accepted into our Waldorf preschool of choice. I am bracing myself for disappointment. Here’s why: her age only qualifies her for the three day program. Kids in the three day program are not eligible for aftercare. We have no way of getting her from school to daycare and even if we did find a way, it’s too expensive to pay for five days of daycare plus three days of preschool. One of the things that led us to this school is the aftercare until 5:45pm. We didn’t know that it wasn’t available for Nora until we showed up for the interview. Picture jaw dropping and heart sinking.

The staff said they would look into letting her in the aftercare program, as she’s already in a five day program and therefore it wouldn’t be a big adjustment for her in terms of hours away from home. And it’s a much more low key environment than what she has now.

I know we will find a place for her in a Waldorf school. If not for this fall, then for the following. This is not make or break. There may be an option of starting her in the five day program early next year when she meets the age requirement of 3.8 years. I know all this, and try to be patient, knowing that a great place for Nora exists, she just can’t be there yet.

Decisions that Keep You Up at Night

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Parenting is fraught with big decisions. Some of the thorniest: Work or stay home? Public or private school? Only one child or more?

The night before I returned to work, when my daughter was three months old, I woke up to find myself sobbing. It was a very rough transition. There were a few things that made me feel better. We had found a daycare that was only two blocks from my office, so I could visit Nora and breastfeed her at lunch time. Most helpfully, a friend reminded me that this didn’t have to be a permanent decision. Going back to work now didn’t mean I couldn’t change my mind later. Another comforting thought was that Nora may have an easier adjustment as an infant, rather than if I waited a year and she was used to having me home.

I was lucky to have an understanding employer and some flexibility in my schedule. If we had a grueling, sleepless night, I went in late. If Nora was sick, I stayed home. I went back part-time for the first few months, then worked thirty-six hours a week instead of forty; allowing me to have every Friday off.

It’s hard to say how things would have turned out if we’d made the decision for me to stay home. I know I’ve missed many special moments, and that is the worst of it. But Nora has had some advantages being in daycare since infancy; she is very social, has a strong immune system, and thrives in a routine driven environment. My bond with her is the strongest I have ever known, I don’t feel it’s been weakened by working.

If I had my druthers, I would work part-time. But, we don’t live in perfect world. No one is going to pay me my current wage and benefits for working three days a week. And there’s security to consider. If something happens and my husband can’t work, I won’t be scrambling to find a job with a stale skill set. With two incomes, we can save for education, retirement and emergencies. Reasonable people can disagree on this issue, but every family has to decide for itself.

Right now, we are in the midst of another big decision, and one I thought would be easy. We are in the admissions process for Nora to attend a Waldorf preschool, with the intent of continuing with Waldorf at least through grade eight. Given our own experiences with public education, and the current state of public schools in our area, we’ve ruled out public school as an option. We’ve researched different educational approaches, visited three schools and are leaning toward one. We’ve visited our chosen school four times. A private tour, a winter festival, an open house and a group interview. After the open house, I was up all night, questioning our choice from every angle. It’s a beautiful environment; to all appearances, it produces smart, emotionally balanced kids. Still, questions remain, doubts linger. Do we want to send her someplace where there seems to be a homogeneity of thought and lack of racial diversity? Will the academics be rigorous enough? What if we don’t like her teacher, but are stuck with him/her for eight years? What’s the deal with the unicycles? Overall, we believe this is the right choice for us, but it’s not a perfect choice. We will continue re-evaluate our decision as Nora continues her education.

It seems counter-intuitive, but if a big decision leaves me feeling completely, perfectly comfortable in our choice, I probably need to look deeper. Big decisions are complicated, and if one seems simple, I need to make sure I don’t have blinders on. I foresee many sleepless nights ahead.